Back Into Writing

After almost 5 months of hibernation in writing, I am slowly waking up rubbing my half-closed eyes. The brain is currently rebooting to load my writing senses with several glitches. All the previous posts are flashing in front of my eyes randomly as if they were from my past life. Maybe I know all those people, places, and lived in that space and time. Yawning, stretching myself asymmetrically and then just sitting with a blank mind not knowing what to write is a sign that I am at least awake now. It will take some time to start running like before as I am struggling to get out of bed. Warm sheets, soft pillow, cozy room and cool breeze flowing outside through the mountains is tempting me to stay in the bed. The sleep is complete and now it's time to be in the sunshine. I move to the side of my bed and let my feet touch the ground. I could feel myself and the ground again like I am reborn. I get up with a smile and enthusiasm. Then immediately sit down due to a head rush. The realization to go slow as I have just woken up dawned on late. I just sit there till the sunshine enters through the half-closed window curtain and falls on my face, glowing it warm to close my eyes. Breathe is going deep and slow, letting the energy get restored.

I open my eyes which is reflecting dark brown colour while looking into the sunshine just like my mother's eyes. I get up, walk towards the door to open it. I was craving to go out and look at the mountains, trees, big rocks, birds and feel that cool breeze on my skin. I grab the steel doorknob to turn which felt icy cold. The moment I turned it, there was a loud bang as if something had shattered. It wasn’t the doorknob; the sound came from the other side of the room. So, I turn back and start to walk away from the door in search of that sound. I check all the room to find nothing broken. Maybe I was dreaming as I was walking half asleep. But then again there was a loud thud on the ground and the whole ceiling shook with vibrations making the glass windows rattle. Something unusual was happening in the room. I figured the sound was coming from the bathroom. So, I opened its door and found shattered pieces of mirror on the floor, all the soap, shampoo bottles scattered everywhere. And no sign of any living being there. Before I could think of who might have done that, there was one more loud rumbling noise in the room. My attention accidentally went to the bathroom window. I was awestruck at the sight I was witnessing.

The mountain visible from the window was completely under the veil of dense fog. There was dark cover all over the sunless sky as if someone had turned on the dark mode for the sky. From the almost nonvisible scenery there came a flash of lightning piercing through the dark sky into the foggy mountain. It stuck somewhere nearby following by a clap of loud thunder and my room again gave a mighty shake. I left the bathroom in its messed-up condition and ran towards the door to go out. I was out of my room looking at the dance of mother nature. There was a hailstorm outside which had now woken me up completely from inside. Rain was falling gracefully all over the place, huge pine trees were dribbling with water, small streams were no longer small, and the ground was getting covered with a white sheet of hails. The fog was slowly lifting its veil to uncover the mighty mountains. I wondered something like fog which has a very short and ultra-thin existence could cover a mighty huge and solid mountain. Nature works in illogically magical contrasts. Fog is just like a Maya, what Hindus call an illusion. It is magnetic, hypnotizing, misleading and yet beautiful. It has a magic to cover the mighty and the eternal under its charming veil. If one trusts the fog, then they are surely heading for big trouble. I am enjoying my bit of fog and the mountain in the heart of the Himalayas.

Let me take you on the journey ahead from where I left you last time. Maybe once in a week this time, not every day.

Lightning Without Thunder

Rains were strong and heavy wind would bring rainwater inside the balcony making its wooden floor wet. Water and wood ideally should be kept separate for the latter's longevity. Backpackers were ready to help us in protecting the house. Few of them planned to put a curtain of the waterproof carpal sheet at the edge of the balcony. Houses in the mountain were built with slate roofs to combat heavy rainfall which would give it a sloping structure making the centre part tallest. Our friends were not able to touch the higher slope of the roof to tie tarpal sheet. So they made a human pyramid to reach their goal. That reminded me of Janmashtami, the festival of Lord Krishna's birthday where a human pyramid would be made to reach and break the earthen pot hanging in the middle, high up in the air with a rope tied in two different directions.

The plan of buying a car for travelling business was fading away with each day passed. I guess that was a momentary excitement and not a genuine desire. The exhausting life of a taxi driver wasn't considered by me initially. Not all rides could bring happiness and I do not want to be a slave of the passengers who will dictate my work. I enjoyed travelling when I felt like to and not when others would demand. A taxi driver has no choice but to drive. I didn't want to ruin my love for driving. Converting everything we like to do into a profession wouldn't be a wise idea. I settled peacefully after dodging the decision to buy a taxi. My manager from the days when I was working with an IT company once had told me, 'Never take decisions when you are very angry or very happy.' He was right as the emotions clouding our mind would often impair our vision to choose a direction.

Monsoon had covered the entire region with its full power. Nighttime in Salli during rains was the most memorable experience of my life. One could see the mind-blowing light show in the sky when mighty clouds would come crashing onto each other. One night I, Madhu and Noa were outside watching the dance of lightning. Usually, the sound follows the lightning. But that night there was no thunder, only a magical show of firebolt. I felt like someone was clicking our photos from the sky with flash on. Salli had truly mesmerized my life with experiences beyond words. I was out of the rat race for money and status. When you stop running behind things they come to you peacefully and easily. It sounded illogical but my experience confirmed it.

Silent Lighting Revealed A Glimpse Of Which Way To Drive.

Fog And Mind

The plan which was revolving in my mind about buying a car for business purposes was shared with my close ones. I wanted to take a second opinion for the sake of not venturing into uncharted territory without caution. I had learned from my past decisions well by then. Most of my friends were in support of me for going in to start a travelling business. I was excited with doubtful thoughts. By that time I had dipped my fingers into multiple things and that had given me enough experience of various careers. I wanted to be 100% sure before jumping again into some different profession without any prior experience, knowledge or background. Maybe I was maturing in taking decisions and understanding that not every passion has to be converted into a profession.

While I was in the state of being ambiguous, the fog was making the valley majestic. Backpackers would get excited to witness that magic in the mountains. The fog would get so dense that one could not see the hill in front of our house as it would enter the rooms. That would take me back to the Lonavala campus from my MBA days where fog would enter into our hostel rooms and we all our friends would come out of our rooms like rabbits out of the hole by the smell of carrots. Salli would flourish in every season to its fullest. I was enjoying the company of backpackers. Once a shy, introverted and self-doubting person in me had gotten warmed up to socialize after living 2 years with extroverted Madhu. The hippie life I was experiencing was the reason I wanted to buy a car and drive with backpackers in the Himalayas.

I felt like we humans were nomads and there was some part in us that craved to be on the road driving aimlessly just for the sake of satisfying the inner void. Whenever I would drive it would bless me with divine feeling which couldn't be explained in words. Car, bike anything would do the job. All I wanted was to be on the road driving. A journey would give me immense satisfaction than reaching a destination. Watching the fog-filled mountains reflected exactly what was going inside me. I had decided to go with the flow so I wasn't in any rush to jump on the conclusions. The biggest blessing of my life was that I had the supporting and loving family and friends who would not shy away from putting me in place when they would sense some trouble I would be venturing into. Such security could potentially make one complacent and push in inertia when the time would be to put sweat and blood into the work. My parent's love had spoiled me enough in the past to stay incompetent and irresponsible. I was standing at a crucial juncture where taking a decision would have determined my future.

Soon The Fog Got Cleared From The Mountains And From Mind.

Monsoon In Salli

Let me start the story with an apology for not writing for the last 20 days. My recently discovered interest in writing came to halt as life demanded my attention to something crucial. Career and relationships both were going through some beautiful transformations in the last few weeks. I will reveal them in upcoming stories, till then I will keep it in a bag of secrets. For now, let me take you back to 2019 from the days in Salli, Himachal.

My swinging between Naddi and Salli came to an end when I confessed my troubled mind with Noa. Initially, she was shocked and disturbed by my decision as she had brought the project keeping me in her mind. There was too much wind in my head and fire in my belly to start a wildfire in my career. The hippie life was calling me to Salli and my rational mind gave up in front of my childish demands. I guess that phase came in my life to teach me that choosing short term gain guarantees long term pain. I was blind to the fire that was trying to catch me while I was running in front of it wild in the forest carelessly. The pattern of the reckless decision was being repeated and there was a certain pleasure in shrugging off the burden of responsibilities. That reminded me of my all past decisions. I was out of the cage and ready to fly aimlessly in the sky.

I made sure before leaving the project that I had trained the team to carry on the work efficiently without me. When I felt the work and the team is stable enough for me to back out midway, then I took leave of Naddi for never to return again. A wise person had once said, 'Never say Never.' I was clueless about what life was planning for me in the coming next one and a half year. After leaving the job my plan was to buy a tourist permit car and take backpackers to various places across Himachal. My mind was already planning for the routes, places, treks, parties, business costing and tour packages. I wanted to make it professional and fun for travellers. My love for driving was pushing me to take a jump in buying a car. I was planning to arrange funds and looking for used cars. With all that excitement, there was doubt in my mind to take the risk or not.

By that time Or had left for Israel and me to Salli. Monsoon had registered its presence in the mountains. The whole forest would come alive during rains spreading a lush green blanket all over the mountain. The stream next to our house would flood wildly with mud water making it a sight to witness. Noor loved rains and would fearlessly stand next to the stream watching the wild dance of nature. Her raincoat would remind me of my school days. There was some magic in rains that would turn even grown-ups into children. I was searching for peace and happiness in the freedom which I had got by leaving the job. Avoiding responsibilities wouldn't give peace. There was an emptiness in me that didn't get filled from those mighty rains. I was happy though to be in Salli finally after ending all the swinging.

Monsoon in the mountains were something to witness.

Friend From Kerala

For 4 months, I was swinging between Salli and Naddi like a pendulum. My reason to be in Himachal was to live in Salli with Noor and Madhu. But my desire for money was driving me to Naddi every week. I knew that swinging wouldn't last long as I had tasted enough of hippie life to not get confined into some office. Thoughts of saying goodbye to Naddi and the office were crowding my mind. I was facing trouble in confessing that to Noa as she had brought the project in my name. Or was also leaving for Israel and me abandoning the project midway didn't feel right. It was me who had asked Noa for a job one year back when I was feeling aimless in life. And now I had the job of a project manager. Yet I was not happy with the way life was going. I guess I had no eyes to see the abundance life had offered to me because I was busy complaining about what I was missing.

I had grown up as a self-centred and emotionally dry person who would choose things, people, situations and places for his own pleasure and benefit. In the event of pain and difficulty, backing out had become my habit. All I was looking for was a pleasurable life without going through any pain. Taking emotionally charged decisions, hopping through different careers, leaving things halfway and starting something new was my forte. That was the reason I hadn't reached anywhere and was unhappy about everything in life. When one would get stuck in ungratefulness then every decision they would take would prove nothing but digging their own grave. If someone else had seen the way I was living they would have felt jealous. Even though our family had gone through bad financial situations when I was growing up, my mom and dad never let me feel the poverty. I was raised like a prince. Sitting in the office of Naddi I would miss my mom, dad and sister who were in Maharashtra.

On one weekend I went to Salli after my usual shopping of the vegetables on the way. Or also had joined me as he was going to leave India soon and wanted to be in Freedom Vally again. We were expecting one of our friend from Kerala, Libin. We had met him in Goa at Hill Top during the Sunburn festival. There was one more friend with him that night in Goa but he didn't come to Salli then. Libin was happy to see us all and be in the mountains. His English was alright just to carry a bare minimum conversation. Madhu, Noa, Or, Libin and me were together after 6 months. He was enjoying the mountain life, going on small treks, meeting local kids and retiring to the fire in the kitchen. There were many backpackers in the house at that time as the season was going to end soon. Libin came with me and Or to Naddi when we left Salli. His bus to Kasol was at night so we went to drop him at the bus stop.

Everybody was leaving Naddi for some or other reason. 

Wrestling At Salli Funfair

Every year at the end of May there would be a village fair in Salli. In the same days, I had visited Himachal 2 years back for the first time and witnessed that beautiful funfair with Noor and Madhu. The work at the Naddi office was keeping me away from Salli for long times, and that was becoming frustrating. That year the funfair got scheduled on weekdays, and I had to miss it due to work. Or was still in India helping us to stabilize the project. Soon he was going to fly back to his home country Israel. We had found two technical guys for our project, and their training with Or was going good. Most of the work was getting in line, and we were making the process more systematic. Our client in Israel was happy about the current work, and so was Noa. Few complicated tests were assigned to be designed for which everyone in the team would brainstorm every day. There were many bugs in the system, and also the test flow was not getting logically set.

My mind was still swinging like a pendulum from Salli to Naddi. I was not sure which way to choose for the future. My purpose to come to Himachal was not to live in Naddi but to live with Noor and Madhu in Salli. My desire to make money was driving me to go to Naddi and stay there all alone away from my family for 4 days and then again drive to Salli to stay with them for 3 days. I started thinking, do I want to swing like that all my life? I was searching for solutions to have the best of both worlds. I would sit with Or discussing life after office hours. He would roll a joint and I would make masala chai. We both would think alike and I had sensed that we had the same mindset. He also would share his life stories and his plans in Israel. Sometimes we would watch movies and shows from his Netflix account. Or was the best company I had while working on that project.

      

On one Thursday evening, I went to Salli just after the village fair. I quenched my thirst for being at the fair by watching the videos and photos of the fair. There were many backpackers in the house as it was nearing the season. Sometimes they would find their love in the group, and new chemistry between two people would become evident to everyone. I had seen videos of one of our Israeli guest who had participated in the funfair wrestling and won the fight. His name was Eitan. He was a lovely young boy who had found his love in the group of backpackers. We would see both of them sitting near the stream, walking in the forest and cherishing each others company. I had not seen a fighter in him, especially after witnessing his soft and loving side for his girl. Love was in the air. Eitan would help us in the kitchen. Maybe to show his girl the cooking qualities in him. Everyone who visited Salli had left unforgettable memories in our heart. Soon I had to leave for work.

My brain was in Naddi and my heart in Salli. 

After The Wedding Party

The next morning when I woke up and went out of our room, I found people sleeping everywhere, on the beds, on the floor, on the porch and on the balcony. Food, drinks, clothes, and much more was spread wildly across the house. At some places people were sleeping encroaching on each other, sharing a limited piece of blanket to cover themselves. I only hoped that they knew with whom they had slept, else watching the shock on their face to discover a stranger next to them had been priceless. The last drop of water in the house was over and soon we started filling up the tank, pots and bottles. The food in the kitchen and entire fridge was empty. We knew that everyone would be waking up hungry after dancing all night long. Most of the people out of 100 had left at late night without our notice. There were around 40 people lying half-naked everywhere in the house, about to get up in search of food.

Cooking for that big group in a short time was difficult so we ordered 150 samosas from a nearby village, Darini, from Madhu's friend's shop. We asked her to send them to Salli through ongoing local buses. I went down to the market to collect the most wanted food. Soon everybody got up and they helped us clean the house as it was a complete mess. We all ate our breakfast and enjoyed masala chai in the sunshine. By noon most of the party people had left and a small group had decided to stay back and enjoy the beautiful nature around Freedom Valley. Avior and his group also stayed back. I would often watch those full of life Israelis singing and playing the guitar, sitting on the porch. They would be engrossed in their own world as if nothing else mattered. They would eat whatever we cooked without any fuss.

For them, life was a celebration of every moment. All they wanted was to live to the fullest. For a moment I wondered if their life was without a purpose. The depressive state I had experienced a few months back due to purposelessness was nowhere near getting reflected on their bright faces. Their aimless life had some beauty which I had missed totally. Living a minimalistic life wasn't depressing or sinking into complexity for them. Maybe I was missing to understand something in my life which those 20-year-old Israeli backpackers were living. The silence after the party was soaking inside me, revealing many hidden layers of unconscious thoughts. I would sit alone looking at the beautiful trees trying to find beauty in being aimless life. I guess I was too much in my brain to understand the ways of the heart.

Salli Was Introducing A Heartful Way Of Life To My Over-Thinking.